The remodeled Vons on Alvarado had its grand unveiling last weekend. It is now officially un-ghetto.
In the center of the parking lot is a big truck covered in pictures of delectable juicy tender meat. They are giving away samples of this meat and blaring NASCAR style country music, the kind that white folks who support the war in Iraq and enjoy their meat like to listen to…although there aren’t too many of those kinds of white folks in this neighborhood.
The new un-ghetto Vons is packed, which it never used to be. My checkout line isn’t moving. There’s a matronly Hispanic tranny all dressed up like she’s going to church, looking like someone’s manly grandma, and in her huge fists she has a bunch of coupons that apparently do not apply to the goods she’s purchasing. Of greatest urgency is this one coupon she is sure is going to give her a free 16 ounce bottle of coke. She doesn’t care what the checker says. She has extraordinary sculpted eyebrows that are designed to make clear her disapproval of whatever is in front of her, and she is determined to turn this into a war of wills.
The cute little cholita running the next checkout lane has been forced to tone down her makeup and redo her hair since as of last weekend this is officially a non ghetto Vons. She is trying hard not to laugh at the situation. The heavily pierced Hispanic girl just behind the grandma tranny is not amused. Her boyfriend is. Which way they end up leaning as a couple likely all depends on whether or not they get to buy their stuff anytime soon. Behind them is a hipster with a jar of maraschino cherries. Behind him is me.
The checkout guy holds his ground against the grandma tranny. She pays with small change and then heads off to argue her case to a manager.
Country music is still blaring from the meat wagon.
